and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
