Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
