How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
