I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
