Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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