I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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