We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
