fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
