Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
North Korea, Best Korea!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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