The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
