I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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