i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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