Please, let me fuck your mom
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
