guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
