Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
