oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
