i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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