I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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