You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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