I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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