i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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