he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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