Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
