Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
