We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
