You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
