My hand turned me down
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
a search helicopter?!
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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