I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
