He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
