Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
