He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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