I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
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