I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
