I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
