dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
