Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
