we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
