So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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