I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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