I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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