Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
