If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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