If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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