I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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