I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
