Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
