i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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