So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
