White coat. Heels.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
