i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
