Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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