Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
