He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
