life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
