fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
