Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
